An Important OHS Announcement

Supporting staff at the Library would like to inform patrons of an important Occupational Health and Safety issue that continues to arise during Library Operations.

All those who enter the Library must take note of the following: Utterance of the word "monkey" within a mile's radius of our esteemed Librarian is NOT PERMITTED. Use of the word "primate" within these bounds is ILL-ADVISED.

This announcement comes as the result of some rather nasty bites received by patrons who were not aware of The Librarian's sensitivity to this issue. The Librarian himself would like to quote the Earth text, Encyclopedia Britannica, and remind patrons of the following;

"The quickest way to tell the difference between a monkey and an ape is by the presence or absence of a tail. Almost all monkeys have tails; apes do not [as they are silly looking and not befitting of a noble creature]. Their bodies are different in other ways too: monkeys are generally smaller and narrow-chested, while apes are larger and have broad [handsome] chests and shoulder joints that allow them to swing through trees [or bookshelves, or other dimensions] (while some monkeys also have this ability, most of them are built for running across branches [much like a common insect] rather than swinging)...

Apes are generally [definitely] more intelligent than monkeys [I'd like to see a monkey navigate multiple dimensions while adhering to the Dewey Decimal System]... While both monkeys and apes can use sounds and gestures to communicate, apes have demonstrated higher ability with language [they just find it more relaxing not to talk], and some individual apes have been trained [read; decided to, thank you very much] to learn human sign languages."

(text in square brackets indicates annotations to original quote dictated in sophisticated sign language to the writer by The Librarian himself)

A reminder of what the Librarian is capable of when provoked.

Thank you for your co-operation with the Library's Occupational Health and Safety protocol.

Signed,

Ponder Stibbons

Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic | Praelector and Reader in Invisible Writings | Master of Traditions | Camerlengo of Unseen University | Keeper of Hex | The one person in the organisation who knows what's going on |